it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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