I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
