WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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