Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize