I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize