Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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