you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
