I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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