the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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