And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
