Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
