Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
