The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
