I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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