I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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