Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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