The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
