what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
