I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
