great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
