What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
