How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
