She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
