Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
