Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
