And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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