Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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