she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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