You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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