I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize