I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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