I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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