I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sext me about skeletons
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
