nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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