Screwed.edu
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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