btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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