Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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