My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Someone came in the potted fern
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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