Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
