I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
