I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
