hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
