so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
