Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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