Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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