Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I look better un-naked...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
