I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
