i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FUCK WHALES
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