Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
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