3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
