At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
