I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
