You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
