They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
