I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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