ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
