I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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