Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
