You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
