She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize