we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
