I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
