I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
