My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize