yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
