I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
