that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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