I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
