Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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