You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
did you just send me my own nude
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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