I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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