Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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