I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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