go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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