i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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