if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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