she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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