I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
