my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
