First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
