Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
